"'What d'ye propose to do to stand this here testymony off?' says th'
Judge. 'I propose,' says th' State's attorney, 'to prove be some rale
experts, men who have earned their repytations be testifyin' eight ways
fr'm th' jack in a dozen criminal cases, that so far fr'm bein' insane
on this particklar night, this was th' on'y time that he was perfeckly
sane.' 'Oh, look here, Judge,' says Bedalia Sassyfrass iv _Th' Daily
Fluff_, 'this here has gone far enough. Th' man's not guilty, an' if ye
don't want a few remarks printed about ye, that'll do ye no good, ye'll
let him off.' 'Don't pay anny attintion to what she says, Fitzy,' says
another lady. 'Her decayed newspa-aper has no more circulation thin a
cucumber. We expict ye to follow th' insthructions printed in our
vallyable journal this mornin'.'

"'Sir,' says a tall man, risin' in his place, 'I am th' Riv'rend
Thompson Jubb.' 'Not th' notoryous shepherd iv that name?' 'Th' same,'
says th' Riv'rend Jubb. 'That lowly worker in th' vineyard iv th' Lord
who astonished th' wurruld be atin' glass in th' pulpit an' havin' th'
Bible tattooed on him. I wish th' privilege iv standin' on me head an'
playin' "A charge to keep I have" on the accorjeen with me feet.
'Granted,' says th' coort. 'I will now charge th' jury as to th' law an'
th' fact: I am all mixed up on th' law; th' fact is there's a mob
outside waitin' to lynch ye if ye don't do what it wants. Th' coort will
now adjourn be th' back dure.' 'Where's th' pris'ner?' says th' expert.
'He has gone to addhress a mothers' meetin',' says th' clerk. 'Thin I
must be goin' too,' says th' expert. An' there ye ar-re."

"I'm glad that fellow got me off", said Mr. Hennessy, "but thim experts
ar-re a bad lot. What's th' difference between that kind iv tistymony
an' perjury?"