I've a notion the Captain is right.

In short, I may freely admit
I am not what you'd call a great catch;
But yet my initials are writ
In the book against every match!

For although--ay, and there is the rub--
I am forty and running to fat,
I have made it all right with the Club,
By presenting an Average Bat!

* * * * *

PRIVATE REFLECTIONS OF THE PUBLIC ORATOR AT CAMBRIDGE.

(_AS RECORDED BY MR. PUNCH'S PATENT PHONOGRAPH._)

Deadly business, this Latin joking. One speech is bad enough, but
fifteen are absolutely crushing. Still it must be done. Shade of
CICERO, befriend me! Here goes:--

"What on earth can I say about the DUKE OF EDINBURGH? Mustn't offend
these blessed Royalties. Am told they never take kindly to jokes.
Let me see, he served on the _Euryalus_ (query? ought I to bring in
_Nisus_). Travelled a great deal--_multorum vidit et urbes_. _Mem._
Work this up. By the way, ALFRED's his name. Bring in ALFRED and the
cakes. ALFRED thrashed Danes. PRINCE OF WALES married a Dane. To be
worked up. Sailor-Prince: _mem._ _O navis referent, etc._ See also
VIRGIL's description of storm. Prince plays fiddle. Might say that