_As they are, always._--Closed. Within, a solitary policeman, moping.
Without, the jaded citizens, gasping on a dusty road, and gazing
through the iron railings at the cool groves within. A mile away, or
nearer, some military bands (paid--by whom?--no matter--ultimately by
tax-payers, who don't get much for their money), bored to death for
lack of work, and any number of charitable institutions spending half
their funds in advertising for more.

_As they might be, sometimes._--Open. At the gate energetic policemen
taking the shillings of eager citizens who crowd in to sit and smoke
in the cool groves, lighted by inexpensive Chinese lanterns, and to
listen to the music of the military bands, now alert, cheerful and
occupied. Scattered through the cool groves a few energetic, but
unobtrusive, policemen, seeing that everyone behaves as quietly as at
the Fisheries or the Healtheries. And (the next morning) any number
of charitable institutions receiving the shillings thus virtuously and
profitably spent.

* * * * *

SYLLOGISMS OF THE STUMP.

(_SELECTED--AND CONDENSED--FROM RECENT PLATFORM "ARGUMENTS."_)

There is no principle, no precedent, no reason why, if the majority
desire anything, a Legislative sanction should not be given to their
decision.

The majority in Ireland desire Home Rule.