[Illustration: A DISTINCTION WITH A DIFFERENCE.

_Mistress_ (_to applicant for situation, who has been dismissed, from
her last place_). "SO YOU'VE JUST LEFT? DIDN'T YOUR SITUATION SUIT
YOU?"

_Martha._ "OH YES, 'M. SITUATION SOOTED ME VERY WELL. IT WAS ME, MUM,
AS DIDN'T SOOT THE SITUATION!"]

* * * * *

FROM A LAHORE PAPER.--"_Punch_," the writer ought to have said "_Mr.
Punch_,"--"possesses a battery of guns, and maintains a standing army
of 1,200 men." Quite correct. Wonderful how they get the news out
there. The guns fire a hundred jokes per minute; all killing ones. The
standing army do the thing well, and will stand anything (well-iced)
to all friends within reasonable limits, under command of _Mr. Punch_,
President.

* * * * *

VERY NATURAL.--Mrs. BROWN POTTER, tired of playing a Hero, is now
coming out as a Heroine before the Chaff'dsbury Theatre is shut up.

* * * * *

_ROD and RIVER_ is the title of a useful book about fly-fishing (it
only needs "fly-leaves" for notes to make it perfect), written by a
Major bearing the appropriate name of FISHER. One note he might append
for the benefit of intending Etonians, that those who, not having