him from doing it again.

But its great attraction is the courageous personality of the protagonist
as revealed by his various remarks. For example, most of us who are not
linguists confine our conversations in foreign places to the necessities
of life, rarely leaving the beaten track of bread and butter, knives and
forks, the times of trains, cab fares, the way to the station, the way to
the post-office, hotel prices and washing lists. And even then we disdain
or flee from syntax. But this conversationalist embroiders and dilates.
He is intrepid. He has no reluctances. Where we in Italy would, at the
most, say to the _cameriere_, "_Portaci una tazza di caffè_," and think
ourselves lucky to get it, he lures the London waiter to invite a
disquistion on the precious berry. Thus, he begins: "Còffi is rI-marchêbl
fòr iZ vèrE stim-iùlêtin pròpèRtÊ. Du ju nô hau it uòs discòvvaRd?" The
waiter very promptly and properly saying, "Nô, Sôr," the Italian unloads
as follows: "Uèl, ai uil tèl ju thèt iZ discòvvarê is sêd tu hèv bin
òchêsciònt bai thi fòllôin sôrcòmstanZ. Som gôtS, hu brauS-t òp-òn thi
plènt fròm huicc thi còffi sîds aR gàthaRd, ueaR òbsèrv-D bai thi
gôthaRds tu bi èchsîdinglE uêchful, ènd òfn tu chêpaR èbaut in thi nait;
thi pràioR Ôv ê nêbArin mònnastErE, uiscin tu chip his mònchs êuêch èt
thèaR mat-tins, traid if thi côffi ud prôdiùS thi sêm èffècht òp-òn thèm,
ès it uòs òbsèrv-D tu du òp-òn thi gôtS; thi sòch-sès òv his èchspèrimènt
lèd tu thi apprèsciêsciòn òv iZ valliù."

A little later a London bookseller has the temerity to place some of the
latest fiction before our chatty alien, but pays dearly for his rash act.
In these words did the Italian let him have it:--"Ai du nòt laich nòv-èls
èt òl, bicô-S ê nòv-èl is bàt ê fichtisciòs têl stof-T òv sô mènE
fantastical dîds ènd nònsènsical wòrDs, huicc òpsèt maind ènd hàRt.
An-hêppe thô-S an-uêrE jòngh pèrsòns, hu spènd thèaR prê-sciòs taim in