"I tried to get him to take up a collection of his legs, and get them in
the same ward but his arm flew around and hit me on the nose, and I
thought if he wanted to strike the best friend he had, he could
run his old legs his self. When he began to separate I could hear the
bones crack, but maybe it was his pants, but anyway he came down on the
floor like one of these fellows in a circus who spreads hisself, and he
kept agoing and finally he surrounded an iron post with his legs, and
stopped and looked pale, and the proprietor of the rink told Pa if he
wanted to give a flying trapeze performance he would have to go to the
gymnasium, and he couldn't skate on his shoulders any more, cause other
skaters were afraid of him. Then Pa said he would kick the liver out of
the proprietor of the rink, and he got up and steaded himself, and then he
tried to kick the man, but both heels went up to wonct, and Pa turned a
back summersault and struck right on his vest in front. I guess it knocked
the breath out of him, for he didn't speak for a few minutes, and then he
wanted to go home, and we put him in a street car, and he laid down on the
hay and rode home. O, the work we had to get Pa's clothes off. He had
cricks in his back, and everywhere, and Ma was away to one of the
neighbors, to look at the presents, and I had to put liniment on Pa, and I
made a mistake and got a bottle of furniture polish, and put it on Pa and
rubbed it in, and when Ma came home, Pa smelled like a coffin at a charity
funeral, and Ma said there was no way of getting that varnish off of Pa
till it wore off: Pa says holidays are a condemned nuisance anyway. He
will have to stay in the house all this week.

"You are pretty rough on the old man," said the grocery man, "after he has
been so kind to you and given you nice presents."

"Nice presents nothin. All I got was a 'Come to Jesus' Christmas card,