could never be forgiven. The deputation, which had been expected
to stay to luncheon, retired in tears, exclaiming for a variety of
monarchs all "over the water."

The local Gladstonians came next. I had never declared myself, they
said. Was I for Home Rule? I said we must first review Mr. GLADSTONE's
numerous writings about HOMER, and then come to Home Rule. "HOMER
stops the way!" Were Mr. GLADSTONES Homeric theories compatible with
a rational frame of mind? Here I felt very strong, and animated with
a keen desire to impart information. The deputation said all this
was ancient history. As to Home Rule itself, they said it really
did not matter. What they wanted was, free poaching, free private
whiskey-stills, free land, and a large head of game, to be kept up by
the proprietor, for the benefit of the glen, as in old times. I said
that these seemed to me to be Utopian demands. If you all fish, and
shoot, and drown the keepers in the linn, I urged, there will soon be
no game left for any of you. No Game-laws, I observed, and you will
obviously have no poaching. There will be nothing to poach, and no
fun in doing it. They said that they would pay keepers to hold the
Southern bodies off, out of the rates, and the rates would be paid by
the Laird--meaning me. I said I knew that several Lairds were standing
on this platform, but that, personally, if my land and rents were to
be taken away, I did not see how the rates were to be got out of my
empty sporran. This was a new idea to them, but I cheered them up
by saying I was in favour of Compulsory Access to Mountains, with
no Personal Option in the matter. This was what the people needed, I
said--they needed to be made to climb mountains, beginning with Box
Hill. On Bank Holidays, I remarked, they never go to the top. They
stay where the beer is. I would have a staff of Inspectors, to see
that they went. The general limbs and lungs would be greatly improved,