Take a young lady--dress her in blue ribbons--sprinkle with innocence,
spring flowers, and primroses. Procure a Baronet (a Lord if in season); if
not, a depraved "younger son"--trim him with écarté, rouge et noir, Epsom,
Derby, and a slice of Crockford's. Work up with rustic cottage, an aged
father, blind mother, and little brothers and sisters in brown holland
pinafores. Introduce mock abduction--strong dose of virtue and repentance.
Serve up with village church--happy parent--delighted daughter--reformed
rake--blissful brothers--syren sisters--and perfect _dénouement_.

N.B. Season with perspective christening and postponed epitaph.


A STARTLING ROMANCE.

Take a small boy, charity, factory, carpenter's apprentice, or otherwise,
as occasion may serve--stew him well down in vice--garnish largely with
oaths and flash songs--boil him in a cauldron of crime and improbabilities.
Season equally with good and bad qualities--infuse petty larceny,
affection, benevolence, and burglary, honour and housebreaking, amiability
and arson--boil all gently. Stew down a mad mother--a gang of
robbers--several pistols--a bloody knife. Serve up with a couple of
murders--and season with a hanging-match.

N.B. Alter the ingredients to a beadle and a workhouse--the scenes may be
the same, but the whole flavour of vice will be lost, and the boy will turn
out a perfect pattern.--Strongly recommended for weak stomachs.


AN HISTORICAL DITTO.