The magnificent and mysterious--murder.

And, for aught we know, pigtails--polygamy.

For the future, a thinking man's motto will be, not to mind "his own eye,"
but everybody else's hair.

P.S. We have just received the following horrifying communication which
establishes Sir Peter's opinion, "that a man with such hair would do
anything," but unfortunately disproves the remedy, as those atrocities
have been committed when he was without.

Indignant at the loss of his head's glory, the evil-minded tailor,
immediately upon leaving the court, sent for counsel's opinion as to
whether he couldn't proceed against Sir Peter, under the act for "cutting
and maiming, with intent to do him some grievous bodily harm." This, it
appears he cannot do, inasmuch as these very learned gentlemen at the bar
have decided, "the head" from which the hair was cut, and which, if any,
is consequently the injured part, is not included in the meaning of the
word _bodily_, as &c. &c. Foiled in this attempt, the monster, for the
brutal gratification of his burning revenge, hit upon a scheme the most
diabolical that human hair could conceive. He actually applied to the
Society for the Suppression of _Cruelty to Animals_; and they, upon
inspecting a portion of the dissevered locks, immediately took up the
case, and are about to indict Sir Peter, Roe, and the barber, under one of
the clauses of that tremendous act. If they proceed for penalties in
individual cases, they must be immense, as the killed and wounded are
beyond calculation,--not to mention all that the process has left
homeless, foodless, and destitute.