WILLIAM WOOD

Having written thus far, Mr. William Wood went to bed, perfectly at peace
with himself and the world.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Friend (to Professor, whose lecture, "How to Stop the War,"
has just concluded)_. "CONGRATULATE YOU, OLD MAN--WENT SPLENDIDLY, AT ONE
TIME DURING THE AFTERNOON I WAS RATHER ANXIOUS FOR YOU."

_Professor._ "THANKS. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO
CONCERNED ON MY BEHALF."

_Friend._ "WELL, A RUMOUR _DID_ GO ROUND THE ROOM THAT THE WAR WOULD BE
OVER BEFORE YOUR LECTURE." ]

* * * * *

THE GREAT BETRAYAL.

'Twas night, and near the Boreal cliff
The monarch in seclusion lay,
A wondrous human hieroglyph,
Worshipped from Chile to Cathay;
When lo! a cry, "Sire, up and fly!
The pirate ships are in the bay!"

"Begone, ye cravens," straight replied
The monarch with his eyes ablaze;