_Captain Waxham._ "OH, I'M SO SORRY, BUT THERE'S NOT ENOUGH MEN, YOU
KNOW, AND I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD OFF BY MRS. MASHAM TO DANCE WITH THE
GIRLS WHO--A--WHO ARE NOT LIKELY TO GET PARTNERS!"

[_Asks the Girl just behind him for three Waltzes and a Polka!_]

* * * * *

"CLOSED FOR ALTERATIONS AND REPAIRS."

(_A SONG OF THE THEATRE ROYAL, ST. STEPHEN'S._)

AIR--"_Killaloe._"

Closed! The long wild whillaloo
That oft smacked of "Killaloe,"
The contagious wrath of Buskin and of Sock
Hath abated for awhile,
And no more the Emerald Isle
On the stage and in the green-room seems to shock.
The curtain is rung down,
The comedian and the clown,
With the sombre putter-on of tragic airs,
Are gone, with all the cast,
And the Theatre, at last,
Is "Closed for Alterations and Repairs."

They may cheer for GLADSTONE hearty,
For BALFOUR or MCCARTHY,
This, that, or t'other party,