"About midnight do I walk, and for the tricks I play they call me Patch.
When I find a slut asleep, I smutch her face if it be clean; but if it be
dirty, I wash it in the next piss pot that I can find: the balls I use to
wash such sluts withal is a sow's pancake or a pilgrim's salve. Those that
I find with their heads nitty and scabby, for want of combing, I am their
barbers, and cut their hair as close as an ape's tail; or else clap so much
pitch on it, that they must cut it off themselves to their great shame.
Slovens also that neglect their masters' business, they do not escape. Some
I find that spoil their masters' horses for want of currying: those I do
daub with grease and soot, that they are fain to curry themselves ere they
can get clean. Others that for laziness will give the poor beasts no meat,
I oftentimes so punish them with blows, that they cannot feed themselves
they are so sore.

Thus many tricks I Patch can do,
But to the good I ne'er was foe:
The bad I hate and will do ever,
Till they from ill themselves do sever.
To help the good I'll run and go,
The bad no good from me shall know."

THE TRICKS OF THE FAIRY CALLED GULL

"When mortals keep their beds I walk abroad, and for my pranks am called by
the name of Gull. I with a feigned voice do often deceive many men, to
their great amazement. Many times I get on men and women, and so lie on
their stomachs, that I cause there great pain, for which they call me by
the name of Hag, or Nightmare. 'Tis I that do steal children, and in the
place of them leave changelings. Sometimes I also steal milk and cream, and