Ah, happy thought! My seat is safe,
And so 'mid general adulation,
I'll rescue some poor party waif
By Chiltern Hundreds resignation.

The world will quickly roar applause,
Of martyrs I shall be the latest;
But I'm the party and the cause
To whom the service will be greatest!

* * * * *

SONG OF GRATITUDE (_by a Nervous Equestrian on the exceptional absence
of 'Arry-cyclists or "Wheelmen" from the road to Wimbledon_).--

"Oh, Wheelie, have we missed you?
Oh no, no, No!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: A MATTER OF "COURSE."

_Eminent German Specialist_. "VAT VATERS 'AVE YOU BEEN IN ZE 'ABIT OF
TAKING?"

_English Gouty Patient_. "WATER! HAVEN'T TOUCHED A DROP, EXCEPT WITH
MY TEA, FOR THE LAST THIRTY YEARS!"

[_Upon which a mild course of Homburg, Kissengen, Marienbad, and
Karlsbad is at once prescribed._]