SOMETHING."

_R.F.C. Officer._ "WELL, I TRY TO BE BRAVE ABOUT IT, AUNT. BUT THIS
ZEPPELIN SHORTAGE HITS ME VERY HARD."]

* * * * *

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

I.

_Lewis Gun Officer._--... So let me repeat and impress upon you, men, that
the rifle is an effete weapon--extinct as the--what-you-call-it bird. It
played its part, a good part, in the South African War, but we who observed
what the machine gun did then and foretold its immense development [_he was
just nine years old at that time_] knew that the rifle would soon be in the
museums along with the bows and arrows. Pay attention, Private Jones. The
Lewis Gun, the weapon of opportunity, is a platoon in itself. _I_ don't
know what the Government want to worry about men for. The Germans don't
fill up their front trenches with a lot of soldiers to be killed with
shrapnel. No, a machine gun every twenty or thirty yards is quite enough to
hold any defensive line. So just bear these things in mind; and don't
forget what we have learnt to-day. All right. Nine o'clock to-morrow.

II.

_Physical Training Sergeant-Instructor._--Forward be--end. Ster--retch.
Be--end. Ster--retch. Feet together--place. 'Ands--down. Stan--zee. Squad
--'shun. Fingers straight, that man. Wotjer say? WOT? I can't 'elp wot the
drill-sergeant tells yer. When I sez "'Shun" I want fingers _straight