much more was the creature loved than the Creator!--O great God, that
didst suffer me to live whilst I so dishonored Thee, Thou knowest the
whole; and it was thy hand alone that could awaken me from the death
in which I was, and was contented to be. Gladly would I have escaped
from the Shepherd that sought me as I strayed; but He took me up in
his arms and carried me back; and yet He took me not for anything that
was in me. I was no more fit for his service than the Australian, and
no more worthy to be called and chosen. Yet why should I doubt? not
that God is unwilling, not that He is unable--of both I am assured.
But perhaps my old sins are too fearful, and my unbelief too glaring?
Nay; I come to Christ, not _although_ I am a sinner, but just
_because_ I am a sinner, even the chief." He then adds, "And though
sentiment and constitutional enthusiasm may have a great effect on
me, still I believe that my soul is in sincerity desirous and earnest
about having all its concerns at rest with God and Christ,--that his
kingdom occupies the most part of all my thoughts, and even of my
long-polluted affections. Not unto me, not unto me, be the shadow of
praise or of merit ascribed, but let all glory be given to thy most
holy name! As surely as Thou didst make the mouth with which I pray,
so surely dost Thou prompt every prayer of faith which I utter. Thou
hast made me all that I am, and given me all that I have."

Next day, after communicating, he writes: "I well remember when I was
an enemy, and especially abhorred this ordinance as binding me down;
but if I be bound to Christ in heart, I shall not dread any bands that
can draw me close to Him." Evening--"Much peace. Look back, my soul,
and view the mind that belonged to thee but twelve months ago. My
soul, thy place is in the dust!"

"_May 19._--Thought with more comfort than usual of being a witness