"La morale de la cigarette!" suggested Quinet.

After all was not the highest thing simply to live the natural life of
the time and place?

"I refuse that," I cried to myself, "I ask a Permanent, an Eternal!"

* * * * *

In speculative Philosophy I sought it, urged by the saying reported of
Confucius:

"The Master said: 'I seek an all-pervading Unity,'" and much useless
labor did I spend upon the profound work of the monarch of modern
thinkers--Immanuel Kant.

In a depression at the end of this labor I finally threw my books aside.

It was afternoon, dull and dusty: a thunderstorm was brewing. I walked
to the Square. What is that carriage with golden-bay horses?--that fresh
image of loveliness--so calm--serene in queenly peace--the spiritual
eyes! "Alexandra, I am miserable; elevate and purify my hopes with a
smile, when I need thy presence--ma belle Anglaise"--No, she looks
coldly and drives on in her equipage without even a recognition.--Is
anything wrong?--I am deeply dispirited.--Another street--she passes
again without bowing--not even looking this time.

Wretched Haviland!--Where is mercy and what is left for me in the
world?--I will rebel about this.--I will give up trying to seek the