[Illustration: THE PRICE OF VICTORY.

"WELL, OLD GIRL, IF WE CAN'T DO THAT MUCH, WE DON'T DESERVE TO WIN."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, April 30th._--After this week Newmarket will be "a blasted
heath," for all horse-racing is to be stopped. Irish Members could
hardly believe the dreadful news. What are the hundred thousand young
men who refuse to for their country to do with their spare time?

Scotch Members, on the contrary, were rather pleased. Mr. DUNCAN
MILLAR, whose desire to deprive his countrymen of their national
beverage is only equalled by his zeal on behalf of their national
food, rejoiced in the prospect that fewer oats for high-mettled racers
would mean more "parritch" for humble constituents.

[Illustration: THE PROPOSED DEMOLITION OF THE LADIES' GRILLE.

_The SPEAKER and Sir A. MOND_ (_together_). "AFTER YOU, SIR."]

There never was a dockyard Member who more faithfully fulfilled
the House of Commons' conception of the type than Sir CLEMENT
KINLOCH-COOKE. In a comparatively short Parliamentary career he must
have already cost the country a pretty penny in extra pay and pensions
to the "mateys" and "matlows" of Devonport. Latterly he has given the
Admiralty a rest and has devoted himself to strafing the Home Office
for its alleged tenderness to the Conscientious Objectors lodged at