DEAR MR. PUNCH,--The reason is obvious. It is entirely owing to your
advice to those about to marry--Don't! I myself have been on the brink
of proposing to several thousand delightful girls, a large per centage
of which, I am convinced, would have gladly accepted me. I have in
every case been restrained by the recollection of your advice.--Your
obedient and obliged Servant,

HUGH ADOLPHUS LATCH-KEY.

_Sept_. 5, 1892.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--The reason (which I confide to your ear, and yours
alone) is obvious--the girls don't, and apparently _won't_ propose.
Of course they ought--what else do we have Leap Year for? Take my own
case. I am genuinely in love with ETHEL TRINKERTON, who has just been
staying with us in the country for three weeks. She has paid me every
kind of attention. In our neighbourhood, if A. carries B.'s umbrella,
where A. and B. are of opposite sexes, it is regarded as an informal,
though perfectly definite way of announcing an approaching engagement.
She knew the custom, and _carried mine on no less than three
occasions_. (It is entirely beside the point that it rained heavily
each time.) Yet she left us yesterday without an approach to a
proposal. She's fair enough herself, but is her conduct? It isn't
as if I hadn't given her enough chances. It cost me a small fortune
to bribe my small brother to keep away; and, time after time, I've
consented to sit alone with her in the summer-house. It isn't as
if she couldn't afford it. They tell me she has at least a thousand
a-year in her own right (whatever that may be), which would do
capitally. I happen to be penniless myself; but, as I heard her say,
her idea of marriage was the union of "soul to soul," my want of a few