Advice is the most worthless commodity in the world. Those who might
profit by it don't need it, and those who do need it won't profit by
it--if they could, they wouldn't need it.


How often have my kindly friends,
(When Fate has dealt me some shrewd blow),
Recalling random odds and ends
Of counsel, cried: "I told you so!"

But when 'twas I who warned, and they
Who heeded not, and came to woe,
I wonder why they'd never say:
"That's right, old chap, you told me so!"




AFTER DINNER SPEECHES


_Recipe for an After-dinner Speech_

Three long breaths.
Compliment to the audience.
Funny Story.
Outline of what speaker is _not_ going to say.
Points that he will touch on later.