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More Toasts by Unknown
page 67 of 1010 (06%)


An automobile show is a place to which car owners go to hear the
exhibitors confirm their judgment.


"I've stopped riding horseback and got a second-hand car."

"Need more exercise?"


"I suppose you think I'm foolish enough to buy that broken-down old
automobile!"

"Broken-down nothing! With the exception of a busted drive-shaft,
a cracked crank-case, a loose steering-wheel, a bum battery, a
dilapidated differential and faulty ignition, it is just as good as
new. Outside of buying four sets of tires, three new springs, a new
top, two rear axles, a couple of batteries, having the valves ground
sixteen times, the clutch tightened every week and the self-starter
repaired now and then, I have never spent one cent for repairs.
The old boat hasn't been run a mile over one hundred thousand, will
average fourteen gallons to the mile, and absolutely will not exceed
twenty-five miles an hour. It has an extra-fine new coat of paint,
and is fully equipped with a hand pump and switch-key. Because of the
difficulty in shifting gears, I absolutely guarantee your wife will
never be able to drive it, and--"

"Never mind the rest. I'll take it!"

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