If everyone who played the flute
Were sentenced to be slain;
If larks with truffles sang on trees,
If cooks were made in heaven;
And if, at sea-side spots, the seas
Shut up from nine till seven.

If _I_ might photograph the fiend
Who mauls me with his lens,
If supercilious barbers leaned
Their heads for _me_ to cleanse!
If weather blushed to wreck my plans,
If tops were never twirled;
If "Ifs and ands were pots and pans,"--
'Twould be a pleasant world!

* * * * *

SUMMARY OF RESULT FOR OLD CATHOLIC CONGRESS.--_Lucernâ Lucellum_.

* * * * *

LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.

_Mount Street, Grosvenor Square_.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I got so wet on the St. Leger day, that I've been in
bed ever since--not because I had to wait till my things were dry--but
because I caught a cold! _What_ a day it was!--I am told that in
addition to the St. Leger, Doncaster is chiefly celebrated for _Butter