be enlightening to them, as well as by the chivalrous attitude which
the woman of the tenements often adopts toward her unmarried
visitor. The decisive statement, 'You have never been married, so
you can't understand,' often proves at least a temporary barrier in
dealing with deserted wives, just as the similar statement, 'You
have never been a mother so you cannot know the feelings of one,' is
used to block her efforts in another direction. If it is found
impossible to carry on the necessary discussions rationally and
without too serious embarrassment, it is often possible to call upon
the socially-minded physician or clergyman for help along this
line."[25]

To sum up, the interviews with the family and the supplementary visits
and letters of inquiry should furnish the social worker if possible
with:

1. A clear picture of the home in which the two adult members of the
family grew up, and the factors in their early training which
contributed to their failure as husband or wife; or which can be
utilized as assets in the future plan.

2. A history of how the couple met; the events of their courtship and
marriage, including sex relations prior to marriage with spouse or
others; also previous marriages. Records of marriage, death of previous
spouse, etc., are very important and should be secured if in existence.

3. A picture of the family and its individual members in their other
social relationships--with employers, medical agencies, teachers, their
church, their friends, their relatives. Knowledge of their habits,
tastes, and characteristics, with special attention to period of first