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Humorous Masterpieces from American Literature by Various
page 43 of 218 (19%)
followers. Then came a counter invasion. The worshippers of Father
Higgins fought for their deity under his eye; the unbelievers were
defeated and driven with great slaughter to their dug-outs. But as the
hostile fleet still held command of the sea and hovered menacingly off
the coast, keeping the faithful under arms and preventing them from
fishing, the good Father decided that peace was necessary.

"This livin' on coky-nuts and bread-fruits intirely is bad for the
stomich, Heller," he observed. "We must come to an ondherstandin' wid
these raskilly infidels an' idolaters. See if ye can't make tarms wid
um."

The adroit Heller soon arranged a secret treaty with the enemy to the
following effect: Their chief, Umbaho, was to be universal king and his
orthodox rival, Patoo-patoo, was to be beheaded; polygamy, cannibalism,
and the use of the sacred poison were to continue in force; both islands
were to adore Father Higgins and bring him sacrifices.

"Seems to me they're mighty sevare tarms," commented the Father. "I'd 'a
been glad to get howld av a bit av timporal sovereighnty, don't you see?
Moreover, I'm sorry about that poor divil, Patoo-patoo; he was my first
convart. Annyway, I'll give um full absolution, so that death can't hurt
um sariously, an' I'll canonize him as a martyr. Saint Patoo-patoo! If
that don't satisfy um, an' if he ain't willin' to die for the extinsion
av the faith, he's no thrue belayver, and desarves no pity. So jist see
to gettin' um off aisy."

After another brief period of time, such as periods of time were in
these mysterious islands, Father Higgins found himself the acknowledged
divinity of the whole archipelago.
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