_Farmer_. "IF YOU'VE FINISHED PLOUGHIN' THIS 'ERE FIELD WHAT'RE YOU
DOIN' SCRATCHIN' ABOUT WITH THAT STICK?"

_C3 War-worker_ (_formerly humorous artist_). "OH, JUST SIGNING MY
NAME."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Tommy_ (_reporting himself to Sergeant after search for
lost bayonet_). "AH'VE FOUND ME BAGGINET." _Sergeant_. "WHERE WAS IT?"
_Tommy_. "ON THE TOP O' MA GOON."]

* * * * *

NOT WISELY BUT TOO WELL.

CHAPTER I.

"I wish you would speak to Cook yourself about it," said my wife rather
nervously. "The whole thing depends upon her, and everyone says the
chief difficulty is to get one's servants into line."

"It seems hardly my department," said I.

"No," my wife admitted, "but I believe it would _impress_ her. She is
not in the least impressed by me."

I saw at once I should have to do it; you can't run away from a thing
like that without impairing your position as the head of the house. But