HIS LACK

A keen-eyed mountaineer led his overgrown son into a country
schoolhouse.

"This here boy's arter larnin'," he announced. "What's yer bill o'
fare?"

"Our curriculum, sir," corrected the school-master, "embraces geography,
arithmetic, trigonometry--"

"That'll do," interrupted the father. "That'll do. Load him up well with
triggernometry. He's the only poor shot in the family."


A REVISED CLASSIC

"Now, my dear girl," said Bluebeard, "remember you can go anywhere in
the house but the pantry. That is locked up, and the key will be placed
under the mat. Remove it at your peril."

Consumed with curiosity, Mrs. Bluebeard could scarcely wait until her
husband had cranked his machine before she was trying the key. It fitted
perfectly. She turned it, and entered. Within was the finest collection
of provisions that she had ever seen: at least a hundred dozen eggs
preserved in water, sacks of potatoes, barrels of wheat--in fact, a
complete commissary department.

And then, as she looked out of the window, she gave a faint scream. Her
husband was returning. He had a puncture. She retained her presence of