At a military church service during the South African War some recruits
were listening to the chaplain in church saying, "Let them slay the
Boers as Joshua smote the Egyptians," when a recruit whispered to a
companion:

"Say, Bill, the old bloke is a bit off; doesn't he know it was Kitchener
who swiped the Egyptians?"


MEMORIES

An American lady at Stratford-on-Avon showed even more than the usual
American fervor. She had not recovered when she reached the railway
station, for she remarked to a friend as they walked on the platform:
"To think that it was from this very platform the immortal bard would
depart whenever he journeyed to town!"


ECCLESIASTICAL DUES ENFORCED

"I canna get ower it," a Scotch farmer remarked to his wife. "I put a
twa shillin' piece in the plate at the kirk this morning instead o' ma
usual penny."

The beadle had noticed the mistake, and in silence he allowed the farmer
to miss the plate for twenty-three consecutive Sundays.

On the twenty-fourth Sunday the farmer again ignored the plate, but the
old beadle stretched the ladle in froat of him and, in a loud, tragic