AN EASY ADJUSTMENT

Andy Donaldson, a well-known character of Glasgow, lay on his deathbed.

"I canna' leave ye thus, Nancy," the old Scotsman wailed. "Ye're ower
auld to work, an' ye couldna' live in the workhoose. Gin I dee, ye maun
marry anither man, wha'll keep ye in comfort in yer auld age."

"Nay, nay, Andy," answered the good spouse; "I couldna' marry anither
man, fer whit wull I daw wi' twa husbands in heaven?"

Andy pondered over this, but suddenly his face brightened.

"I ha'e it, Nancy!" he cried. "Ye ken auld John Clemmens? He's a kind
man, but he's no' a member o' the kirk. He likes ye, Nancy, an' gin
ye'll marry him, 'twill be a' the same in heaven. John's no' a
Christian, and he's no' likely to get there."


APPRAISED

One morning, Mollie, the colored maid, appeared before her mistress,
carrying, folded in a handkerchief, a five-dollar gold piece and all her
earthly possessions in the way of jewelry.

This package she proffered her mistress, with the request that Miss
Sallie take it for safe keeping.

"Why, Mollie!" exclaimed the mistress in surprise. "Are you going away?"