"While the car is running fifteen miles an hour a white bulb shows on
the radiator, at twenty-five miles a green bulb appears, at forty a red
bulb, and, when the driver begins to bat 'em out around sixty per, a
music-box under the seat begins to play 'Nearer, My God, to Thee.'"


VULNERABLE

A visiting minister, preaching in a town famous for its horse races,
vigorously denounced the sport. The principal patron of the church
always attended the races, and of this the clergyman was later informed.

"I am afraid I touched one of your weaknesses," said the pastor, not
wishing to offend the wealthy one, "but it was quite unintentional, I
assure you."

"Oh, don't mind that," said the sportsman genially. "It's a mighty poor
sermon that don't hit me somewhere."


MISLEADING

Johnson, a bachelor, had been to call on his sister, and was shown the
new baby. The next day some friends asked him to describe the new
arrival. The bachelor replied: "Um--very small features, clean shaven,
red faced, and a very hard drinker!"


A SOFT ANSWER