complained to the storekeeper that a ham that he had purchased there a
few days before had proved not to be good.

"The ham is all right, Joe," insisted the storekeeper.

"No, it ain't, boss," insisted the other. "Dat ham's sure bad."

"How can that be," continued the storekeeper, "when it was cured only
last week?"

Joe reflected solemnly a moment, and then suggested:

"Maybe it's done had a relapse."


PURELY LITERARY

A celebrated author thus sketched out his daily programme to an
interviewer: Rise at 11; breakfast at 12; attention to mail; a few
afternoon calls; a ride in the park; dinner; the theatre, and then to
bed.

"But when do you do your literary work?" he was asked.

"Why, the next day, of course," was the reply.


TOO FORWARD

At a parade of a company of newly-called-up men the drill instructor's