extinguish a fire at French farm_). "GOOD HEAVENS, CORPORAL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING UP THERE?"

_Irish Corporal_. "I'M WATCHIN' THE STRAW DOESN'T CATCH A-FIRE, SOR."

_Officer_. "WELL, TAKE CARE. IS IT AN EASY PLACE TO GET OUT OF?"

_Corporal_. "IT IS THAT. YOU MIGHT GO THROUGH THE FLOOR ANNYWHERE,
SOR."]

* * * * *

MORE SUBSTITUTION.

From a Stores circular:--

"Members who like a very delicately Smoked Bacon or Ham will
appreciate the valuable new line recently added to our Stock,
namely;--

---- MILD CURED SALMON."

* * * * *

"From Switzerland comes a report of a noiseless machine gun,
operated by electricity."--_Yorkshire Evening Post_.

Another invention gone wrong.

* * * * *