But steeple-sliding's best!

* * * * *

"Home wanted for tabby Persian Cat, 3 years old
(neutral)."--_Scotch Paper_.

Why doesn't it join the Allies?

* * * * *

A SHORT WAY WITH SUBMARINES.

"A short way with submarines?" said Bill; "oh, yes, we've _got_ one
all right; but," he added regretfully, "I don't know as I'm at liberty
to tell you. Wot I'm thinkin' about is this 'ere Defence o' the Realm
Act--see? Why, there was a feller I knew got ten days' cells for just
tellin' a young woman where 'er sweet'eart's ship was."

It was the last day of Bill's "leaf," of which he had spent the
greater part warding off the attacks of old acquaintances bent upon
finding out something interesting about the Navy. Of course during
his absence Bill had written home regularly, but his letters had been
models of discretion and confined to matters of the strictest personal
interest. Since his return quite a number of temporary coldnesses
had arisen as a result of his obstinate reticence, and the retired
station-master, after several attacks both in front and flank had
ignominiously failed, flew into a rage and said he didn't believe
there was any Navy left to tell about, the Germans having sunk it all
at the Battle of Jutland.