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RIVAL SINGERS.


Dr. Arne was once asked by two vocalists of Covent Garden theatre, to
decide which of them sung the best. The day being appointed, both
parties exerted themselves to the utmost, and when they had finished,
the Dr. addressing the first, said, "As for you, sir, you are the
_worst singer_ I ever heard in my life." "Ah! ah! (said the other,
exulting,) I knew I should win my wager." "Stop sir," (says the Dr.) "I
have a word to say to you before you go;--as for you, sir, you _cannot
sing at all_."

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HOW TO EVADE PROOF.


An Irishman, charg'd with a crime,
Was told it would be brought home to him:
"No, no," quoth Pat, "it sha'nt this time--
I'll _keep away from home_--and do 'em."


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