"I think, father, that upon considerating the consequence to which I
am now entitled, and the degree of respectability which, in my own
person--_in propria persona_--I communicate to the vulgarians with whom
I am connected--I call them vulgarians from no derogatory motive;
but you will concede yourself, that they are ignorant of the larned
languages, an' consequently, though dacent enough, still, in reference
to Latin and Greek, but vulgarians. Well! _Quid multis?_--I say, that
taking all these things into speculation, looking at them--_veluti in
speculum_--it is neither dacent nor becoming that I should ate in the
manner I have done, as vulgarly as themselves--that I should ate, I
say, any longer, without knife and fork. Neither, I announce, shall I
in future drink my milk any longer, as I have with all humility done
hitherto, out of a noggin; nor continue to disrobe, my potatoes any
longer without a becoming instrument. I must also have better viands
to consume. You are not to be ininformed that I am in that situation of
life, in which, from my education and other accomplishments, I must be
estimated as duly qualified to ate beef and mutton instead of bacon,
an' to have my _tay_ breakfast instead of stirabout, which, in
polite society, is designated porridge. You know yourself, and must
acknowledge, that I'm soon likely to confer distinction and preeminence
upon the poor illiterate, but honest creatures, with whom I am
associated in the bonds of blood-relationship. If I were a dunce, or a
booby, or a leather head, the case might be different; but you yourself
are well acquainted with my talents of logic and conthroversy; an' I
have sound rasons and good authority, which I could quote, if necessary,
for proving that nothing increases the weight of the brain, and
accelerates to gravity and solidity more than good feeding. Pay
attention, therefore, to my words, for I expect that they will be duly
observed:--buy me a knife and fork; and when I get them, it's not to lay