subscriber was rung up the other day by "Trunks" and asked if he still
wished to say good-bye to himself before leaving for the Somme.

* * *

Thistles do more damage to agriculture than rats, declared the
Montgomeryshire Agricultural Executive Committee. Stung by this
uncalled-for attack on his national vegetable a Scotchman writes to say
that within his knowledge more arable land has been laid waste by leeks
than by any other noxious weed.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Professor's Wife._ "SEPTIMUS, THE THAW HAS BURST THE
PIPES."

_Professor._ "NO, NO, MARIE. AS I'VE HAD OCCASION TO EXPLAIN TO YOU EVERY
YEAR SINCE I CAN REMEMBER, IT'S THE FROST THAT BURSTS THE PIPES--_NOT_ THE
THAW."]

* * * * *

FASHIONS FOR MEN.

["Who will help the Disposal Board by starting some new fashion that
would enable it to get rid of a great consignment of kilts as worn by
the London Scottish, the Royal Scots and the Highland Light Infantry?"
--_Mrs. KELLAWAY on the Disposal Board's "Curiosity Shop."_]

There are who hanker for a touch of colour,