Dr. Fordyce.

The progress of the disease was now uninterrupted. On Tuesday I found it
necessary again to call in Dr. Fordyce in the afternoon, who brought
with him Dr. Clarke of New Burlington-street, under the idea that some
operation might be necessary. I have already said, that I pertinaciously
persisted in viewing the fair side of things; and therefore the interval
between Sunday and Tuesday evening, did not pass without some mixture of
cheerfulness. On Monday, Dr. Fordyce forbad the child's having the
breast, and we therefore procured puppies to draw off the milk. This
occasioned some pleasantry of Mary with me and the other attendants.
Nothing could exceed the equanimity, the patience and affectionateness
of the poor sufferer. I intreated her to recover; I dwelt with trembling
fondness on every favourable circumstance; and, as far it was possible
in so dreadful a situation, she, by her smiles and kind speeches,
rewarded my affection.

Wednesday was to me the day of greatest torture in the melancholy
series. It was now decided that the only chance of supporting her
through what she had to suffer, was by supplying her rather freely with
wine. This task was devolved upon me. I began about four o'clock in the
afternoon. But for me, totally ignorant of the nature of diseases and of
the human frame, thus to play with a life that now seemed all that was
dear to me in the universe, was too dreadful a task. I knew neither what
was too much, nor what was too little. Having begun, I felt compelled,
under every disadvantage, to go on. This lasted for three hours. Towards
the end of that time, I happened foolishly to ask the servant who came
out of the room, "What she thought of her mistress?" she replied, "that,
in her judgment, she was going as fast as possible." There are moments,
when any creature that lives, has power to drive one into madness. I