she surprised him in his office, enveloped in tobacco-smoke, with
elevated feet, reading a nice new novel; you may be sure that after
that, she insisted on the exercise. As their family increased, thinking
still further retrenchment necessary, she gently broached the
relinquishing of the meerschaum. Finding him obstinate in his
opposition, she one day accidentally broke it. It was one that he had
been coloring for years; he had devoted time and attention to it, that,
if properly directed, might have made him a German philosopher, an
antiquary, or a profound theologian; or, if devoted to his law studies,
would have fitted him for Chief-Justice of the United States.

The countryman who mistook for a bell-rope the cord attached to a
shower-bath, was not more astonished at the result of pulling it, than
she was at the result of this trifling accident. Such an overwhelming
torrent of abuse as was poured on her devoted head; such an array of
offenses as was marshaled before her; Banquo's issue wasn't a
circumstance to the shadowy throng. She had recourse to woman's only
means of assuaging the angry passions of man--tears, (you know the
region of constant precipitation is a perpetual calm;) but these,
instead of operating like oil poured on the troubled waters, were rather
like oil thrown on the fire. Pleading her delicate health, she hinted
that his unkindness would kill her, and that, when she was gone, her
sweet face would haunt him. Muttering something about one consolation,
ghosts couldn't speak till spoken to, and he was sure he wouldn't break
the spell of silence, he picked up his hat and strode out of the house,
slamming the door after him. For a while, Mrs. Jones was struck with
consternation; she felt somewhat as the woman must have felt who, in
attempting to pull up a weed, overturned the monument that crushed her;
and, though not quite crushed by the weight of Mr. Jones's indignation,
she only resolved to give no more tugs at the weed that had taken such