Son to plead in vain for me, an obstinate sinner.' This was a degree
of faith, and I endeavored to strengthen it. I said, 'My love, you
know the way to the Father, through Christ, the only Mediator. You say
right, he cannot plead in vain; fly to him; cast yourself at his feet;
trust in him; hear his own invitation, 'Come unto me, all ye that
labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest;' 'him that cometh
unto me I will in no wise cast out.' At another time these words broke
from his lips, 'Form me, train me, prepare me for thyself.' Here was a
breathing after sanctification; might not the promise be applied, 'I
will create a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within thee.'

"In the evening the physicians again attended, but could hardly
get a word from him. While they sat by the bedside I went out to the
gallery with Mrs. Grandidier; the apparent struggle she had to conceal
her distress, the compassion and sympathy in her countenance struck
me. I easily perceived she gave up hope, and, I began to suspect, not
from her own judgment alone; she advised me to send away my children
to a friend's house, and to send for a person who was capable of
assisting me, it being no longer proper for me to be alone. Thus far I
had not allowed any person to do the least thing about him but myself,
nor stirred from his bedside, except for a few minutes, to pour out my
soul into the bosom of my God. I hardly, if ever, prayed for his
recovery, being willing the rod should remain till it effected the
purpose for which it was sent, and then I believed it would be
removed--as if the Lord was to follow exactly the rules prescribed by
my weak, foolish, ignorant heart.

"Hitherto I had suffered little, believing all to be the answer
to my prayers; but I had not seriously thought of parting with him. I
was now truly alarmed, and determined to know, as far as appearances