ANITHER LOWLAN' LASSIE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Officer._ "WELL, PETERS, HOW DID YOU GET ON?"

_Steward_ (_who has asked for special leave_). "NOTHIN' DOIN', SIR. THE
SKIPPER 'E SEZ TO ME, 'E SEZ, 'IT'LL COST THE COUNTRY FOUR-AN'-SEVENPENCE
TO SEND YOU 'OME, AN' AS THE NAVY 'AS GOT TO ECONOMISE YOU'LL DO TO BEGIN
ON,' 'E SEZ."]

* * * * *

A LIMPET OF WAR.

(_With the British Army in France._)

The day on which that fine old crusted warrior, Major Slingswivel, quits
the hospitable confines of Nullepart Camp will be the signal that the
British Army in France has completed its work, even to the labelling and
despatching of the last bundle of assorted howitzers. A British army in
France without Major Slingswivel would be unthinkable. It is confidently
asserted that Nullepart Camp was built round him when he landed in '14, and
that he has only emerged from it on annual visits to his tailor for the
purpose of affixing an additional chevron and having another inch let into
his tunic. Latest reports state that he is still going strong, and
indenting for ice-cream freezers in anticipation of a hot summer.

But for an unforgivable error of tact I might have stood by the old
brontosaurus to the bitter end. One evening he and I were listening to a