During the last four weeks exactly four hundred and ninety-nine rats have
been destroyed in a small town in South Bedfordshire. It is hoped that as
soon as these figures are published a sporting rodent will give itself up
in order to complete the fifth century.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOT ON SPURS?"

"I WAS GOING TO SPEAK ABOUT THAT, SIR. I REGRET I ACCIDENTALLY OMITTED TO
PUT THEM ON THIS MORNING, AND CONSEQUENTLY HAVE CAUGHT COLD. SO I WAS GOING
TO ASK YOU TO BE KIND ENOUGH TO GRANT ME LEAVE UNTIL--"]

* * * * *

"A champagne support was provided in the lower hall."--_Local Paper._

Very sustaining, we feel sure.

* * * * *

"The paper supports the proposed formation of a first army of 'shock
troops,' which would be capable of preventing the mobilisation of a
great Germy army."--_Evening Paper._

Anything to keep the influenza at bay.

* * * * *

"The times for the incubation of the eggs of various birds are as