I have saved five thousand men, women, and children from sure doom, in
the last three years, through my swift and infallible remedy, Professor
Certain's Vitalizing Mixture; as witness my undenied affidavit, sworn to
before Almighty God and a notary public and published in every newspaper
in the State."

Wonder and hope exhaled in a sigh from the assemblage. People began to
stir, to shift from one foot to another, to glance about them nervously.
Professor Certain had them. It needed but the first thrust of hand into
pocket to set the avalanche of coin rolling toward the platform. From
near the speaker a voice piped thinly:--

"Will it ease my cough?"

The orator bent over, and his voice was like a benign hand upon the brow
of suffering.

"Ease it? You'll never know you had a cough after one bottle."

"We-ell, gimme--"

"Just a moment, my friend." The Professor was not yet ready. "Put your
dollar back. There's enough to go around. Oh, Uncle Cal! Step up here,
please."

An old negro, very pompous and upright, made his way to the steps and
mounted.

"You all know old Uncle Cal Parks, my friends. You've seen him hobbling
and hunching around for years, all twisted up with rheumatics. He came