On the whole I think the best way is the one which I mean to adopt myself
at the earliest opportunity. Let us suppose that you are going to Brighton.
At Victoria Station you will purchase (1) a return ticket to Streatham
Common, (2) a platform ticket. The platform ticket entitles you to walk on
to the platform from which the Brighton train starts, and, when it is just
moving out and all the tickets have been looked at, you will leap on board.
This brings you to Brighton, and all you have to do there is to accost the
man who takes the tickets in a voice hoarse with fury. "Look here," you
will say, "I had an important business engagement at Streatham Common,
worth thousands and thousands of pounds to me, and one of your fool porters
told me a wrong platform at Victoria. What are you going to do about it?"
Now you might think that the porter would reply, "Come off it, Mister; you
don't kid me like that," or make some other disappointing and impolite
remark; but not a bit of it. Bluster is the thing that pays. First of all
he will apologise, and then he will fetch the station-master, and he will
apologise too, and after a bit they will offer you a special train back to
Streatham Common, probably the one the KING uses when he goes to the
seaside. But you will of course refuse to be pacified and wave it away,
saying, "Useless, absolutely useless. Now that I am in this awful hole I
shall spend the night here. But I shall certainly sue your Company for the
amount of the business that I have lost."

That is what I mean to do, and with slight variations the ruse can be
applied to almost any non-stop run. Now that I have given the tip I shall
hope to find quite a little crowd of disappointed business men round the
station exits at holiday time when and/or if railway fares are increased.

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[Illustration: _Racing Tout (arrested the day before)._ "CAN YER TELL ME