* * *

We are asked to deny the rumour that Sir PHILIP SASSOON has been appointed
touring manager to the Peace Conference.

* * *

A Newbury man has succeeded in breeding pink-coated tame rats. It is said
that the Prohibitionists hope to exterminate these, as they did the green
ones.

* * *

A blunder of thirty million pounds in the estimates for British operations
in Russia is revealed in a White Paper. It is expected that the Government
will bequeath it to the nation.

* * *

Owing to the high cost of material we understand that a certain pill is
to-day worth £1 11s. 6d. a box.

* * *

The Sinn Feiners now threaten to capture one of our new battleships. We
sincerely hope that the Government will place a caretaker on board each of
our most valuable Dreadnoughts.

* * *