"That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches penmanship and he knows Shakespeare
better 'n, old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't he a hairy feller,
though? Onct him 'n Frank Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius
wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when Prof says, 'Here is muh
dagger and here muh naked breast,' pa hollers out, 'Git a shave, Prof!'
Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' show."

[Illustration]

"That's Cousin Flora Burgstresser. She's th' belle of Beardstown. Her
hair's so long she kin set on it. Onct a hair tonic company offered her a
pile of money--most a hunderd dollars--fer her pitchure fer their
adver-tise-ment, but she wouldn't.

"Them society ladies don't like notority."

[Illustration]

"That's Winfield Scott Zachary Taylor Peebles, ma's cousin. He was named
fer two heroes of th' rev-lutionary war, I think it was; anyway, he could
allus think of th' noblest things t' say! Onct when he was in th' war an
officer died and they put Cousin Win in his place, so that's how he got t'
be a corporal. First thing he says was, after th' president or whoever it
was give him th' place, 'Boys,' he says, 'if I fall in this day's battle,
march over muh dead corpse as you would that of a common private!' he
says.

"Turn over."