things shall continue for some time in the state in which they now
are. But whoever upon that concludes that I must be easy is either
ignorant or indifferent to the feelings of mankind. The bare
possibility of be[ing] rendered so unhappy as I should be made upon
a change of their resolution, or from the operations of caprice and
travers, I say the mere apprehensions of that, even slightly
founded, prevent my mind from being in that equilibre which is
absolutely necessary to my tranquillity. We are, I say, at present
going on very well, in as good and regular a progress of education
as it is possible; both Mie Mie and I as tractable as it is
possible; et troubler ce menage seroit une cruaute sans example.

I have also to grieve at other times for a great deprivation of part
of my happiness; that, I mean, to which you contributed, Lady
C(arlisle) and your children. There is a hiatus valde deflendus;
indeed, a lacune which I do not know how to fill up, and I sigh over
the prospect of it perpetually, and without seeing my way out of it.

I have, at another part of my day, a scene, which time or use cannot
reconcile to me. I see my mother's strength grow less every day,
without any consolation, but that her mind does not decay with it.
In short, my dear Lord, as I have often told you, j'ai l'esprit et
le coeur trop fracasses for me to be happy at present, and all I can
say is that I might, by untoward accidents, be more miserable, and
these are removed from my view pour le moment; but I wait for a
period of time when I shall be relieved from uncertainty of what may
happen, and when I may live and breathe without restraint and
apprehension. That period will, as I imagine, arrive in about two
months, and till then les assurances les plus fortes sont trop
faibles pour mon repos.