already begun elaborate preparations for travelling in safety. He is
growing a large beard and is learning to walk with his toes turned in. A
number of his teeth will be blackened out during the whole of his European
tour, and his hair will be kept well-ironed and cropped short.

He has engaged a complete staff of plain-clothes pugilists to travel with
him everywhere and to stand on guard outside his bathroom door. They will
also surround him during meal-times to prevent admirers from grabbing his
food to hand down to their children as heirlooms.

He is being measured for a complete outfit of holeproof clothing, and his
motor will be a Ford of seventeen thicknesses, with armoured steel windows,
and fitted with first-aid accessories, including liniment, restoratives and
raw steak. His entourage will include a day doctor, a night doctor, a
leading New York surgeon and a squad of stretcher-bearers.

It has been suggested to him that a further precaution would be not to
advise the Press of the date of his arrival; but that he considers would be
carrying his safety-first measures to a foolish extreme.

* * * * *

[Illustration: STOP-PRESS NEWS.

_Observant Visitor._ "I SAY--EXCUSE ME, BUT YOUR HAT IS KNOCKED IN."

_Farm Hand._ "WHOI, I'VE KNOWED THAT FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEAR."]

* * * * *