Mexican rebels have been ordered to stop indiscriminate shooting. It is
feared that the supply of Presidential Candidates is in danger of running
out.

* * *

"A Manchester octogenarian has just married a woman of eighty-six," says a
news item. It should be pointed out, however, that he obtained her parents'
consent.

* * *

"Although the old penny bun is now sold for twopence or even threepence it
contains three times the number of currants," announces an evening paper.
This should mean three currants in each bun.

* * *

A parrot belonging to a bargee escaped near Atherstone in Warwickshire last
week and has not yet been recaptured. We understand that all children under
fourteen living in the neighbourhood are being kept indoors, whilst local
golfers have been sent out to act as decoys.

* * *

It is announced that a baby born in Ramsgate on August 6th is to be
christened "Geddes." We are given to understand that the news has not yet
been broken to the unfortunate infant.

* * * * *