time to console you; besides, I see plainly that it would be
useless trouble. For the present, God wishes you to suffer alone."
I followed her to meditation so discouraged that, for the first
time, I doubted of my vocation. I should never be able to be a
Carmelite. The life was too hard.

I had been kneeling for some minutes, when all at once, in the
midst of this interior struggle--without having asked or even
wished for peace-- I felt a sudden and extraordinary change of
soul. I no longer knew myself. My vocation appeared to me both
lovely and lovable. I saw the sweetness and priceless value of
suffering. All the privations and fatigues of the religious life
appeared to me infinitely preferable to worldly pleasures, and I
came away from my meditation completely transformed.

Next day I told my Mistress what had taken place, and, seeing she
was deeply touched, I begged to know the reason. "God is good,"
she exclaimed. "Last evening you inspired me with such profound
pity that I prayed incessantly for you at the beginning of
meditation. I besought Our Lord to bring you comfort, to change
your dispositions, and show you the value of suffering. He has
indeed heard my prayers."

* * * * * *

Being somewhat of a child in my ways, the Holy Child--to help me
in the practice of virtue--inspired me with the thought of amusing
myself with Him, and I chose the game of _ninepins._ I imagined
them of all sizes and colours, representing the souls I wished to
reach. The ball was-- _love._