"How many tales of the Thousand-and-one Nights are comprehended in the
ripening of a youth! How many wonderful lamps must we have rubbed
before we understand that the True Wonderful Lamp is either luck, or
work, or genius. In some men this dream of the aroused spirit is but
brief; mine has lasted until now! In those days I always went to sleep
as Grand Duke of Tuscany,--as a millionaire,--as beloved by a
princess,--or famous! So to enter the service of Comte Octave, and
have a hundred louis a year, was entering on independent life. I had
glimpses of some chance of getting into society, and seeking for what
my heart desired most, a protectress, who would rescue me from the
paths of danger, which a young man of two-and-twenty can hardly help
treading, however prudent and well brought up he may be. I began to be
afraid of myself.

"The persistent study of other people's rights into which I had
plunged was not always enough to repress painful imaginings. Yes,
sometimes in fancy I threw myself into theatrical life; I thought I
could be a great actor; I dreamed of endless triumphs and loves,
knowing nothing of the disillusion hidden behind the curtain, as
everywhere else--for every stage has its reverse behind the scenes. I
have gone out sometimes, my heart boiling, carried away by an impulse
to rush hunting through Paris, to attach myself to some handsome woman
I might meet, to follow her to her door, watch her, write to her,
throw myself on her mercy, and conquer her by sheer force of passion.
My poor uncle, a heart consumed by charity, a child of seventy years,
as clear-sighted as God, as guileless as a man of genius, no doubt
read the tumult of my soul; for when he felt the tether by which he
held me strained too tightly and ready to break, he would never fail
to say, 'Here, Maurice, you too are poor! Here are twenty francs; go
and amuse yourself, you are not a priest!' And if you could have seen