me, -- if what has been spent must be thrown away -- it is
needless to throw away any more; it would be better for me to
come home and settle down to the lot for which I seemed to be
born. Nothing can be gained by waiting longer, but much lost.

"I am not desponding, but seriously this transition life I am
leading at present is not very enlivening. I am neither one
thing nor the other; I am in a chrysalis state, which is
notoriously a dull one; and I have the further aggravation,
which I suppose never occurs to the nymph _bona fide_, of a
miserable uncertainty whether my folded-up wings are those of
a purple butterfly or of a poor drudge of a beetle. Besides,
it is conceivable that the chrysalis may get weary of his
case, and mine is not a silken one. I have been here long
enough. My aunt Landholm is very kind; but I think she would
like an increase of her household accommodations, and also
that she would prefer working it by the rule of _subtraction_
rather than by the more usual and obvious way of _addition_. She
is a good soul, but really I believe her larder contains
nothing but pork, and her pantry nothing but -- pumpkins! She
has actually contrived, by some abominable mystery of the
kitchen, to keep some of them over through a period of frost
and oblivion, and to-day they made their appearance in _due
form_ on the table again; my horror at which appearance has I
believe given me an indigestion, to which you may attribute
whatever of gloominess there may be contained in this letter.
I certainly felt very _heavy_ when I sat down; but the sight of
all your faces through fancy's sweet medium has greatly
refreshed me.