different, as I have been assured, from the practices of former times),
that after the court had decreed any cruel execution either to gratify
the monarch's resentment or the malice of a favorite, the emperor always
made a speech to his whole council, expressing his great lenity and
tenderness, as qualities known and confessed by all the world. This
speech was immediately published through the kingdom; nor did anything
terrify the people so much as those encomiums on his majesty's mercy;
because it was observed that, the more these praises were enlarged and
insisted on, the more inhuman was the punishment, and the sufferer more
innocent. Yet, as to myself, I must confess, having never been designed
for a courtier, either by my birth or education, I was so ill a judge of
things that I could not discover the lenity and favor of this sentence,
but conceived it (perhaps erroneously) rather to be rigorous than
gentle, I sometimes thought of standing my trial; for although I could
not deny the facts alleged in the several articles, yet I hoped they
would admit of some extenuation. But having in my life perused many
state-trials, which I ever observed to terminate as the judges thought
fit to direct, I durst not rely on so dangerous a decision, in so
critical a juncture, and against such powerful enemies. Once I was
strongly bent upon resistance, for, while I had liberty, the whole
strength of that empire could hardly subdue me, and I might easily with
stones pelt the metropolis to pieces; but I soon rejected that project
with horror, by remembering the oath I had made to the emperor, the
favors I received from him, and the high title of _nardac_ he conferred
upon me. Neither had I so soon learned the gratitude of courtiers as to
persuade myself that his majesty's present seventies acquitted me of all
past obligations.

At last I fixed upon a resolution, for which it is probable I may incur
some censure, and not unjustly; for I confess I owe the preserving mine